For you
lovelies who have continued to read over the years bless your hearts. My beloved blog hasn’t gotten the attention
it deserves in the past year really because toddlers + life man. I’ve been meaning to post an update for quite
some time and just didn’t know where to start but here we are. Although we nearly landed as a family on U.S.
soil nearly 9 months ago, better late than never right? We owe it to so many of you who have
supported us the past 6 + years and I honestly am always so encouraged and reminded
of God’s hand in all of the details of our journey that in a way this has and
will be a journal of our adoption journey.
Let me
start off by saying this is most definitely and I imagine the best &
hardest thing we have ever and will ever do, bardest is a word right ;)? We thought the wait was hard, and don’t get
me wrong, it was, but now we are in the realms of the day to day life and
practicals of it all. When the going
gets tough, sometimes all I need to do is step back and remember our journey
and I am in utter awe and amazement once again.
Almost exactly a year ago the Department of State put out the
announcement of immediate suspension of all Ethiopian inter-country adoptions indefinitely. We had no idea when or even if we would
become a family and here we are with two napping babes as I type this. As Luke puts it, our lives and our home is fuller
than it has ever been. So full of joy,
laughter, mess, chaos, exhaustion, brokenness and elation. We laugh because in some ways we are so “busy”
and occupied now but the fact is we aren’t busy at all, ha.
I would say we went into it a little naïvely
but in a lot of ways that may be not such a bad thing that we were innocently
guarded from all that lay ahead. We
spent years connecting with other adoptive families, attending conferences and
reading books and praying over every detail, but I honestly don’t think
anything can fully prepare you. Like a
lot of parents, or it may even be safe to say all parents, it took stepping
into the role to allow us to see how selfish and “free” our life was before
kids. In a lot of ways ours was
definitely magnified due to the fact that we were married almost 8 years before
our babes came into our lives physically and that suddenly we were parents to
two, two toddlers from hard places at that. I tell people in a lot of ways it seems even
harder than twins because they are at different developmental levels so trying
to teach them/catch up on language and common things is a bit challenging. I literally bow down to you homeschool mamas
out there.
I have mentioned cocooning in past
blogs but basically it is a technique adoptive families use to re-wire certain
areas of the brain and to meet all needs for attachment purposes whether that’s
food, bathing, changing/potty and sleeping.
Needs were unmet so therefore we need to gain trust and meet every
single need to gain trust and allow them to see that needs will always be met
under our roof. We are still very much
the ones to do most of that but have eased up as we have seen positive
attachment occur. I wouldn’t trade it
for the world and it is necessary and beneficial but to be authentic it has
definitely been all-consuming and isolating as new parents. Our people have been sensitive to our desires
and although we have come a long way, it is a lifelong process of
navigating.
I would say for me as a
stay-at-home mama my world has changed completely as it should. I left my hygiene job suddenly and my day to
day life is so different. It has
surprised me that the adjustment has been more of a gradual one but once again
in lots of ways bless my little naïve heart.
Halle will start preschool next year 3 days a week but I know I’ll look
back at this year with such gratitude of being their mama every hour of the day
and watching them grow and change before my eyes. Seeing Luke step into the role of being a dad
is honestly exactly as expected:
incredible. He is such a good
daddy and cares, adores and stands up for his girls with his everything. He has in my opinion gotten pretty darn good
at doing hair, African American hair at that, is the biggest advocate for
adoption and is the ultimate girl dad.
Practically, the girls are adjusting
well overall. Their English
comprehension and speaking is mind-blowing.
We knew it would come quickly but holy smokes. As much as we would love to keep up the Amharic
and try to speak some here and there it is a challenge. We are dealing with a lot of discipline stuff
that I won’t get into but honestly things we knew we would likely walk
through. Reading it in a book and then trying
to live it out is slightly different. I
read an adoption related quote the other day that nine times of out ten the story behind the
misbehavior won’t make you angry; it will break your heart. As much as it is helpful for others to relate
to our situations, their behaviors stem from the past and deeper issues a lot
of times. Pray for compassion and for parenting
techniques. Not only dealing with
behavioral issues but also processing and navigating their stories and being a
bi-racial family can feel extremely overwhelming. Many seem to think or say “Well, that’s what
you signed up for.” And well yes, sign
me up a million times over but that doesn’t mean that is isn’t hard. Hard is okay and worthy when you aren’t doing
it alone. When you boil it down we now
have two precious souls living among us that we are called to shepherd. Precious, of course, but still sinners and
sinners with troubled pasts being cared for by sinners ourselves.
I’ve dealt with a lot of toddlers
in my day but it is not lost on me that the Lord uses MY kids to sanctify me
and bring out my sin and goodness I am thankful for it but it is hard stuff! A verse that keeps coming back to me is a
well-known one in Psalm 139. “Search me,
O God, and know my heart! Try me and
know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the
way everlasting!” My heart and my
thoughts wander and are quick to anger I’m recognizing more than ever but then
again isn’t that what sanctification is all about? The gospel is our foundation for parenting,
it has to be, and I don’t know where I’d be without it. I extend a lot of grace but to be honest
these little ladies are grace extenders right back to their mama who has messed
up for the hundredth time in a day.
Lately, when Halle gets in trouble she will ask or affirm that we still
love her. My God child, you could blow
up this house and my love for you wouldn’t change, it’s unconditional but how
much more perfect and flawless is your Creator’s love and adoration for you.
“Are they “real”sisters?”” “Are they twins?” I bet you I get asked these questions a dozen
times in a day, no joke. I think at
first it was shocking that this was the first thing people “needed” to know but
at this point we are beginning to navigate, re-direct and educate others. To be honest, as I was sitting watching them
play the other day and listening to their giggles (which is a rarity :) ) I thought to myself
about how it is hard to imagine a time when they were not sisters. Halle will look at Lucy several times a day
and comment at how cute she is. Lucy is
Halles’ biggest admirer and looks at her like a child looks at their older
sibling. Their sisterhood may be one of
the sweetest things of this whole gig.
There is no Halle without Lulu and no Lucy without Halle. We laugh because shortly after marriage we said
we would love to adopt, have a biological child or two, Lord willing, and adopt
again. Clearly we need to let the Lord
write our story and not ourselves.
We recently took them to the Ethiopian
restaurant we visited frequently before bringing them home. The staff treated them like family and
snagged them from us the second we stepped into the restaurant. They ended up in the kitchen with all the
staff. We left so full of injera
(Ethiopian bread) and love for their culture and as they grow up I can’t wait
to intertwine culture and tradition.
We still have several friends still
trying to bring their kiddos home as the country ultimately closed all
international adoptions. Within the past
several months the prime minister left and a new one just took the position a
few weeks ago. So far it sounds like
everyone is hopeful for Prime Minister Abiye Ahmed and that there has already
been some progress in areas of civil unrest.
No one seems to know what orphan care and adoption will look like in the
future. Would you join us in praying for
long term solutions, for those with power to make decisions for orphans, for
those caring for orphans and for those fighting to bring their kiddos
home?
I’m coming to a close and realizing
how scattered I’ve been but trying to put my current season into words isn’t
easy. I think back to our first few
months and how I felt so overwhelmed and consumed that I didn’t think it would
ever end. I didn’t think I’d ever be
able to take them to a park or really anywhere by myself. Take heart if you’re in a long and trying
season. The word season adds temporarity. It is but a brief portion of your life and
God is the author of everything, even your circumstances. And yes, I’m talking to myself too. We clearly love adoption and although it’s
wrecked us in the worst and best ways ever, being Halle Grace and Lucy Joy’s mama
is my proudest title.
