I recently attended a newborn class at a local hospital with
my sis and mom. I was there both to
learn the ins and outs of infant care and for moral support. I have yet to carry a child or have a babe to
call my own to tend for, but the term “paper pregnancy” is something I have
felt and has become so real in my life as we dig deeper into this adoption
process. My child and his/her biological
mama consume my thoughts and prayers on a weekly, daily, even hourly basis.
The class covered everything from irregularities in babies
immediately following birth to feeding logs to umbilical cord care to
swaddling, etc. Shortly into the class I
found myself in tears. As confident and
joyful as I am in the Lord’s call on our life to begin to grow our family
through adoption, I couldn’t help but think of all the “firsts” we will miss
out on in our babe’s early life. What
will the birth experience be like? What
will our child’s first cry sound like?
Who will be the one to cut the umbilical cord? These are just a few of the many questions
that began to flood my head as I aimlessly participated in infant bathing and
swaddling.
As despairing as these thoughts and questions may be for me
as my child’s earthly mom, I feel an overwhelming sense of peace and hope in
the sovereignty and comfort that comes from Christ. Luke and I may miss out on some monumental
events in the life of parenthood, but our child’s heavenly daddy not only won’t
miss out, but has been in our child’s presence since He himself marked that
being into life. When I reflect on the
many characteristics and names of God, I am overwhelmed in amazement. God the Creator is one I am reflecting on as
of late. Specifically, in the book of
Psalms, chapter 139 describes details of our existence. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me
together in my mother’s womb. I praise
you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I
know that full and well. My frame was
not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of
the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of
them came to be.” (Psalm 139:13-16)
Although these are verses I have read many times before,
they seem to come alive to me now in a whole new way. David describes the intimacy in the creation
of life. God, the creator of the
universe, who made the planets that orbit and the tallest of mountains, is also
the creator of every being that walks this earth. To think of the details and the preciseness
(and not to mention the anatomical factors) that goes into the intricacy of our
bodies leave me in awe. Even the
smallest of details are His workmanship.
Every country and agency are different as far as the
specifics of the adoption process. In
Ethiopia, and specifically with our agency, West Sands, there is an opportunity
to meet the birth parents once the adoption is finalized assuming they are
living and willing. I could see, from an
outsider’s perspective, how the adoptive parents could have some negative
feelings towards the birth parents and wonder questions such as why would you
want to give this precious child up for adoption? For me, this is not the case at all. I may not know my child’s birth parents yet,
but I love them and pray for them already.
I see them as people who were created in God’s very image. I praise God everyday that the birth mom
chose life for our babe and that He predestined this specific child for our
family. I have never carried a child for 9 months, but
I can imagine it to be an exhausting yet beautiful thing. She will carry our child. For this I am grateful. Circumstances will be different for each
child and many investigations are done, but children are put up for adoption
due to abandonment, the mom dying during the birthing process (in Ethiopia
specifically that is a 9:1 ratio), or the birth parents lacking resources and
wanting their child to experience life to the fullest. There are, I’m sure, many questions that will
never get answered, but for now I will pursue this call like crazy and continue
to dream of the day baby Schwoch is in my arms.
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