9.21.16

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful" Hebrews 10:23

It's now been over a year since we saw two beaming grins that we thought we would call Schwochs.  A year of loss, grieving, hope and trust.  We knew a referral would be coming soon, our case worker had been giving us play by plays as much as she could from not being on the ground in Ethiopia.

I woke up on a Wednesday morning to prepare for a day long continuing education course and Luke woke up earlier than normal to drop our sweet pup off at his parents for a stay.  We woke with excitement that day with a trip to Seattle and Portland just a workday away.  Summer didn't really include travel as we thought we would be traveling to Ethiopia so our little getaway was something we had been looking forward to.  Little did we know we would also be getting an email from our case worker letting us know to call her ASAP. 

September 21, 2016.  The day we were matched with two little ladies!  It was hard to imagine bringing one child home now that we had begun preparing for two, but we were open to what the Lord had for us and knew the chances of two were slim to none.  Sally & Sadie opened the door for two and we are overwhelmed and joyful to have accepted a new referral within the last couple of months.  Our little getaway turned into a true "babymoon" and we spent it in awe of God's faithfulness.  He walked with us every step up the way and carried us when we didn't think we could take another step.  "But I will sing of Your strength; I will sing aloud of Your steadfast love in the morning.  For You have been to me a fortress and a refuge in the day of my distress.  O, my strength, I will sing praises to You, for You, O God, are my fortress, the God who shows me steadfast love." Psalm 59:16-17

We had the opportunity to once again share in our good news with those who have been there every step of the way.

Of course we are ecstatic but naturally hesitant and guarded.  Pray for:

• a trust without borders
• pray for Ethiopia as a whole which has been under a state of emergency for about a month due to anti-government protests that will last for 6 months total which you can read more about here: 

http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/09/africa/ethiopia-oromo-state-emergency/

• pray for the girls physical bodies that they remain healthy and grow to the best of their ability considering their current state
• pray for all of those caring for them for the time being
• pray for all of those that will be involved in our case that they work with urgency and have the girls and our best interest at heart 
• pray for our hearts that we continue to be faithful and trusting in our waiting.  At this point we are almost all waited out!
• pray for girls that they prepare to become Schwochs, and that even now they know how loved and adored they are by their creator and us
• finally pray for Sally, Sadie & their mama Birkutan who will forever be in our hearts and our prayers

November is national adoption month.  When we made the choice over four years ago to initially grow our family through adoption and step into its realms we had no idea what this journey would look like.  We knew it would be long and we knew it would be hard, but honestly not this long or this hard.  The longer I walk with Christ the more I am in awe of how our spiritual adoption is knitted into the gospel.  "He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself according to the purpose of His will "Ephesians 1:5 Our call to advocate for the fatherless has been a compilation of beauty, pain, joy, loss and redemption and we know He is nowhere close to done with it.  We are still walking through the fire and we know once home our journey has really just begun but are celebrating each step of the way.  Thanks for all of you who have loved us, walked with us and prayed for us on our rollercoaster of a journey, especially when it got hard and those who will continue to. 

All our love,

Luke & Jen Schwoch

Words and thoughts on a page, a way overdue adoption update

“And these are but the outer fringe of his works; how faint the whisper we hear of him!  Who then can understand the thunder of his power?”  Job 26:14

It’s been a little over six months since we got that heart-shattering phone call that those sweet Schwoch sisters weren’t in fact ours and that they were returning to their birth mama, whom I’ll refer to as Mama B.  In some ways the time has drug on and in other ways I wonder how six months has come and gone.  Every day has been welcomed with a little bit less of a sting and we discuss the future hopefully and joyfully.  Don’t get me wrong, we without a doubt miss those babies like crazy.  Little things still put me over the edge whether it be a song that we have carried with us along our journey, a memento, or a picture of their beaming grins.  I truly believe each and every day has been a gift from God as a day of a little less grieving and more dreaming all while getting little glimpses of His hand at work.  Last month was the youngest one’s second birthday.  It was one of those dates that six months ago I couldn’t wait for it to come.  I hoped with all my heart she would be home to celebrate and I had the sweetest little outfit for her to sport if that were the case.  But now, this date crept up and I knew it would sting.  We did our best to honor her and celebrate her here.  Now I hoped something different for this day:  that she was in Mama B’s arms & that she knows without a doubt how loved and celebrated each day of her life is.  Big sister’s fourth birthday is approaching this month.  Would you be so kind as to pray for our hearts on another big day as well as for her and mama B?

Our first attempt at Ethiopian food to celebrate Sally Hana

Shoutout to Taste of Ethiopia for the injera!

This summer marks 3 years since we officially started the adoption process.  Bless our little naïve hearts with our home study babyproofing pics that we were so eager to share.  I look at how far (or lack thereof) we have come physically, how much loss we have experienced and how much dependency on each other and our God we have needed to make it through each day like the air that we breathe. 

This whole adoption journey we have been on up to this point has got me thinking that adoption, like pregnancy and childbirth, is a miracle in itself.  I have always been in awe of our Creator, in His design of life and creation through pregnancy and birth.  If you boil it down it really is mind-boggling and absolutely amazing.  The design and detail He puts into the existence of EVERY being from conception all the way until first breath sure is something.  In our current life season when friends are having babies left and right I am constantly reminded of it with all of your precious photos and apps that make it relatable to me, like how big your baby is in comparison to an eggplant.  My embryology courses in hygiene school went into such detail about what was forming when and how and that was just the oral cavity for crying out loud.  Our God is a great great God.  Back to my thought on miracles and adoption.  I think a lot of people think this is how international adoption works and some of that may be our fault for a lack of educating:  pick a country, sign some papers, wait, travel, travel home and everything is dandy.  Let me fill you in a little bit more of what an international adoption REALLY looks like…

The first step in the process for us was initially saying “yes” to adopt which is a miracle in itself.  Luke and I were on different timelines for that.  My eyes were opened to adoption years ago and 5 years back God softened Luke’s heart to adoption.  This journey is God-ordained in itself and you can read more about Luke’s precious heart here http://jenandlukeschwoch.blogspot.com/2013/10/i-love-adoption.html  .  So after we decided we were all in then it became where.  We were drawn internationally.  Due to our age and how long we had been married we didn’t qualify for more than a handful of countries.  Even before we had discussed details I think we both felt led to Ethiopia.  All of our signs and prayers pointed there.  So now the question became who.  We spent months researching agencies, Christian and non-Christian.  Unfortunately there are a lot of agencies out there now that aren’t playing by the rules ethically and are crossing red tape.  We interviewed dozens of agencies and finally found one that we felt comfortable with, trusted and passed all of our tests.  Next step, paperwork.  And when I say paperwork I mean paperwork.  Like pages and pages of it y’all.  They want to know our life story from sad memories of our childhood to where our siblings lived and worked to bank statements to what our marriage looked like.  Up next, home study.  That was a blog a while ago too which you can read here http://jenandlukeschwoch.blogspot.com/2013_12_01_archive.html .  Our story is a unique one in that we have been living in my grandmother’s house for 3 years and had to baby proof and prepare for a case worker to come in and see if our house was fit for a little.  I laugh because we were so worked up about this part and it was one of the smoothest steps in this process.  The next step was even more paperwork, like books worth, complied to send to Ethiopia to be translated called a dossier.  After that we waited, waited and waited some more. We have had to update our expiring home study, update our expiring dossier and update our fingerprints twice.  You all know what happens next.  Now currently guess what?  We are still waiting.  My prayer has always been that we would wait well and become such patient and trusting people.  If you would have asked us when we began this process where we thought we would be 3 years later I’m sure both of our responses would have been home with a little one.  But one thing I remain hopeful in is that this is the story God has chosen to write for us and He wrote it thousands of years ago.  He sees us and hears our cries.  3 years in, paperwork has expired multiple times, questions have been asked and tears have been shed.  The reason I write is because I want people who walk with us to see the beauty and the miracle I am starting to become in awe of.  If and when our Lord works it all out in His will and timing it will be miraculous. 

Shortly after our loss we both decided to delve into the book of Job because if anyone experienced loss and suffering who else but Job?  It’s one of those books where you’re familiar with its beginning and end but what about the in between?   What about when Job nearly loses all hope over the losses of his children, livestock, home and riches?  What about the attacks and acquisitions he receives on repeat  from his “friends” and wife?  Job by no means is perfect, he’s human, and the whole middle of the book is filled with his despair, frustration, and confusion.  Not to belittle our loss, but I am so thankful for this book.  When you read that all scripture is alive, breathing and applicable, it really is.  I may read something during a season and read it during another season and see something totally different.  We get a bird’s eye view of Job’s life and what God is orchestrating.  I think that perspective on looking down and back has helped me immensely to be at peace in our current state.

A couple years ago for our fifth anni Luke gave me this custom artwork.  It is hard to see in the photograph, but there is a tiny purple heart over Texas and a tiny purple heart over Ethiopia.  If someone asked me how I was feeling or doing I could point to it and that would explain.  They weren’t lying when they said a picture says a thousand words were they?  So each day I wake up and that’s the first image I see.  Sadie, Sally and mama B have so much of my heart over there.  A baby that God is working miraculously into our story is there.  And we are here.  Oceans a part.

To wrap my thoughts up here is where we are:  waiting.  We are next in line at our agency for several orphanages throughout Ethiopia.  August 5^th, 2016 has come and gone and it is a day that has a sting for us and other families that are adopting from Ethiopia.  Courts close on that day for the annual rainy season.  I’ve described this before but basically when it rains it pours and a country like this isn’t equipped.  The rain is beyond necessary especially after the biggest drought ever struck the country this year.  The rain is needed for crops, sustenance, for life.  Luke spoke with our case worker last week and she let us know that some years during rainy season they have seen referrals and other years none at all.  Would you all continue to pray for peace, comfort and God’s spirit to be thick during this season?  Would you pray we continue to trust in His good and perfect plan and that we allow Him to continue to work things out for our good and His glory? 

“We can be certain that God will give us the strength and resources we need to live through any situation in life that He ordains.  The will of God will never take us where the grace of God cannot sustain us."  Billy Graham

All of our love,

Jen & Luke Schwoch

The unexpected call

January 28, 2016 we got the call that no adoptive parents want to receive in the midst of waiting to get their child/children home.  “Your daughters’ birth mom wants to take them back.”  My heart sank, broke & shattered into a million pieces all over the ground.  Our daughters that we laid eyes on over three months ago & stare at on our phones, refrigerator & frames throughout the house.  The girls we have been preparing a room for, praying over & souls I daydreamed of adventuring through life together with on a daily, no take that back, hourly basis.  This is the kind of stuff you see on the news & read about but have to think “oh this will never happen to us.”  Our agency, in their decades of working in Ethiopia, have only seen this situation less than a handful of times.  

If you aren’t super familiar with adoption, or maybe even know something about family preservation you may think “oh that’s wonderful though, they should & need to be with their biological mama".  While we do believe in our heart of hearts that the original family is best, we are currently in a place of pain, loss & grieving.  They had already grown our family and our hearts & souls were completely invested in being their parents.  My eyes hurt from crying & the days are painfully long & almost seem purposeless, but I did have a vision on my way home from that dreadful call.  It was of our oldest, whom we had named Sally.  She was being reunited with her mama & I just saw this look on her face of pure delight at the sight of the woman whom gave birth to her, cared for her for 2.5 years before she entered the orphanage & came back for her.  I thank God for this little glimpse of reunification, especially since going forward we will know nothing of their case. 

None of it makes sense now, I’ve got holes in my heart that I thought would become full once we became a family that will always be void, but somehow post grieving, we must carry on & continue to be a voice & advocate for the orphan.  They never stepped foot into our home, or were held in our arms, but we already loved them with an unconditional, would do anything for you love.  So many of you already loved them as well & have been praying for them for years too.

Of course throughout the process & especially once we accepted a referral & were waiting for paperwork to be processed there was always a teeny tiny bit of fear in the back of our minds of the “what ifs”, but I think that comes with parenting at every stage no matter how they come into your home.  As much as I want to be angry with God for leading us on what seems like a path that is endless He is our only hope & is the author of life and everything in it. "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9  Pray we are obedient to let Him keep writing our story. In the depths of my soul, I can’t believe He would give us such a desire for the fatherless to have it end in a failed adoption and that be the end of our story.  Pray that we can grieve healthily & allow ourselves to process through such loss with each other, family, & community allowing ourselves to experience a range of emotions.  It will be a long road & there will not be a day that goes by that we won’t think of and pray for those sweet sisters & their souls the rest of our lives.  We have no doubt many of you will join us & I delight in knowing they are being covered in prayers.  Will you continue praying for these sweet girls and their souls and that He would grab their hearts and make them His? Will you also pray that their mama care for and parents them well and their physical health be good?

So much of our identity had become being Sally & Sadie’s parents, but first & foremost we were & are His children. As their parents so many of our hopes, plans and dreams for the future revolved around them which I think naturally happens as parents.  Pray He continues to remind us of who He says we are.

A verse that I kept referring back to during our 2.5 year journey is Psalm 112:7 which states “He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord." A precious friend who is also journeying through bringing a child home via adoption & I would always remind each other of this truth and she even had a bracelet made with this verse carved into it.  While this may be about the toughest news we could’ve received, pray that our hearts not harden but remain firm and trusting in the Lord all of our days.

To those of you who have brought dinners, came and prayed over us, sent packages, pictures, flowers, encouraging texts/verses, sat & just cried with us & were present, our hearts go out to you.  We continue to thank God for the village He brings us in every season.  Never once did we ever walk alone.  That being said, we know we have a long road of grieving & will be taking a little hiatus from social media.  As much as we love keeping up with your families, scrolling through cute pictures of your babies & celebrating what may seem like everyday life with you, we know it’s what’s best for our hearts in this season.  Feel free to email, text or call to keep up.  We love you and thank you for continuing to journey with us.

-Jen & Luke Schwoch

Jen.schwoch@gmail.com

Lschwoch87@gmail.com

“In all my sorrows, Jesus is better, make my heart believe.”