Life as we know it

              

     For you lovelies who have continued to read over the years bless your hearts.  My beloved blog hasn’t gotten the attention it deserves in the past year really because toddlers + life man.  I’ve been meaning to post an update for quite some time and just didn’t know where to start but here we are.  Although we nearly landed as a family on U.S. soil nearly 9 months ago, better late than never right?  We owe it to so many of you who have supported us the past 6 + years and I honestly am always so encouraged and reminded of God’s hand in all of the details of our journey that in a way this has and will be a journal of our adoption journey. 

     Let me start off by saying this is most definitely and I imagine the best & hardest thing we have ever and will ever do, bardest is a word right ;)?  We thought the wait was hard, and don’t get me wrong, it was, but now we are in the realms of the day to day life and practicals of it all.  When the going gets tough, sometimes all I need to do is step back and remember our journey and I am in utter awe and amazement once again.  Almost exactly a year ago the Department of State put out the announcement of immediate suspension of all Ethiopian inter-country adoptions indefinitely.  We had no idea when or even if we would become a family and here we are with two napping babes as I type this.  As Luke puts it, our lives and our home is fuller than it has ever been.  So full of joy, laughter, mess, chaos, exhaustion, brokenness and elation.  We laugh because in some ways we are so “busy” and occupied now but the fact is we aren’t busy at all, ha.

 I would say we went into it a little naïvely but in a lot of ways that may be not such a bad thing that we were innocently guarded from all that lay ahead.  We spent years connecting with other adoptive families, attending conferences and reading books and praying over every detail, but I honestly don’t think anything can fully prepare you.  Like a lot of parents, or it may even be safe to say all parents, it took stepping into the role to allow us to see how selfish and “free” our life was before kids.  In a lot of ways ours was definitely magnified due to the fact that we were married almost 8 years before our babes came into our lives physically and that suddenly we were parents to two, two toddlers from hard places at that.  I tell people in a lot of ways it seems even harder than twins because they are at different developmental levels so trying to teach them/catch up on language and common things is a bit challenging.  I literally bow down to you homeschool mamas out there. 

I have mentioned cocooning in past blogs but basically it is a technique adoptive families use to re-wire certain areas of the brain and to meet all needs for attachment purposes whether that’s food, bathing, changing/potty and sleeping.  Needs were unmet so therefore we need to gain trust and meet every single need to gain trust and allow them to see that needs will always be met under our roof.  We are still very much the ones to do most of that but have eased up as we have seen positive attachment occur.  I wouldn’t trade it for the world and it is necessary and beneficial but to be authentic it has definitely been all-consuming and isolating as new parents.  Our people have been sensitive to our desires and although we have come a long way, it is a lifelong process of navigating. 

I would say for me as a stay-at-home mama my world has changed completely as it should.  I left my hygiene job suddenly and my day to day life is so different.  It has surprised me that the adjustment has been more of a gradual one but once again in lots of ways bless my little naïve heart.  Halle will start preschool next year 3 days a week but I know I’ll look back at this year with such gratitude of being their mama every hour of the day and watching them grow and change before my eyes.  Seeing Luke step into the role of being a dad is honestly exactly as expected:  incredible.  He is such a good daddy and cares, adores and stands up for his girls with his everything.  He has in my opinion gotten pretty darn good at doing hair, African American hair at that, is the biggest advocate for adoption and is the ultimate girl dad.

  Practically, the girls are adjusting well overall.  Their English comprehension and speaking is mind-blowing.  We knew it would come quickly but holy smokes.  As much as we would love to keep up the Amharic and try to speak some here and there it is a challenge.  We are dealing with a lot of discipline stuff that I won’t get into but honestly things we knew we would likely walk through.  Reading it in a book and then trying to live it out is slightly different.  I read an adoption related quote the other day that nine times of out ten the story behind the misbehavior won’t make you angry; it will break your heart.  As much as it is helpful for others to relate to our situations, their behaviors stem from the past and deeper issues a lot of times.  Pray for compassion and for parenting techniques.  Not only dealing with behavioral issues but also processing and navigating their stories and being a bi-racial family can feel extremely overwhelming.  Many seem to think or say “Well, that’s what you signed up for.”  And well yes, sign me up a million times over but that doesn’t mean that is isn’t hard.  Hard is okay and worthy when you aren’t doing it alone.  When you boil it down we now have two precious souls living among us that we are called to shepherd.  Precious, of course, but still sinners and sinners with troubled pasts being cared for by sinners ourselves. 

I’ve dealt with a lot of toddlers in my day but it is not lost on me that the Lord uses MY kids to sanctify me and bring out my sin and goodness I am thankful for it but it is hard stuff!  A verse that keeps coming back to me is a well-known one in Psalm 139.  “Search me, O God, and know my heart!  Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!”  My heart and my thoughts wander and are quick to anger I’m recognizing more than ever but then again isn’t that what sanctification is all about?  The gospel is our foundation for parenting, it has to be, and I don’t know where I’d be without it.  I extend a lot of grace but to be honest these little ladies are grace extenders right back to their mama who has messed up for the hundredth time in a day.  Lately, when Halle gets in trouble she will ask or affirm that we still love her.  My God child, you could blow up this house and my love for you wouldn’t change, it’s unconditional but how much more perfect and flawless is your Creator’s love and adoration for you.

“Are they “real”sisters?””  “Are they twins?”  I bet you I get asked these questions a dozen times in a day, no joke.  I think at first it was shocking that this was the first thing people “needed” to know but at this point we are beginning to navigate, re-direct and educate others.  To be honest, as I was sitting watching them play the other day and listening to their giggles (which is a rarity :) ) I thought to myself about how it is hard to imagine a time when they were not sisters.  Halle will look at Lucy several times a day and comment at how cute she is.  Lucy is Halles’ biggest admirer and looks at her like a child looks at their older sibling.  Their sisterhood may be one of the sweetest things of this whole gig.  There is no Halle without Lulu and no Lucy without Halle.  We laugh because shortly after marriage we said we would love to adopt, have a biological child or two, Lord willing, and adopt again.  Clearly we need to let the Lord write our story and not ourselves.

 

 

       We recently took them to the Ethiopian restaurant we visited frequently before bringing them home.  The staff treated them like family and snagged them from us the second we stepped into the restaurant.  They ended up in the kitchen with all the staff.  We left so full of injera (Ethiopian bread) and love for their culture and as they grow up I can’t wait to intertwine culture and tradition.  

We still have several friends still trying to bring their kiddos home as the country ultimately closed all international adoptions.  Within the past several months the prime minister left and a new one just took the position a few weeks ago.  So far it sounds like everyone is hopeful for Prime Minister Abiye Ahmed and that there has already been some progress in areas of civil unrest.  No one seems to know what orphan care and adoption will look like in the future.  Would you join us in praying for long term solutions, for those with power to make decisions for orphans, for those caring for orphans and for those fighting to bring their kiddos home? 

I’m coming to a close and realizing how scattered I’ve been but trying to put my current season into words isn’t easy.  I think back to our first few months and how I felt so overwhelmed and consumed that I didn’t think it would ever end.  I didn’t think I’d ever be able to take them to a park or really anywhere by myself.  Take heart if you’re in a long and trying season.   The word season adds temporarity.  It is but a brief portion of your life and God is the author of everything, even your circumstances.  And yes, I’m talking to myself too.  We clearly love adoption and although it’s wrecked us in the worst and best ways ever, being Halle Grace and Lucy Joy’s mama is my proudest title.