Words and thoughts on a page, a way overdue adoption update

“And these are but the outer fringe of his works; how faint the whisper we hear of him!  Who then can understand the thunder of his power?”  Job 26:14

It’s been a little over six months since we got that heart-shattering phone call that those sweet Schwoch sisters weren’t in fact ours and that they were returning to their birth mama, whom I’ll refer to as Mama B.  In some ways the time has drug on and in other ways I wonder how six months has come and gone.  Every day has been welcomed with a little bit less of a sting and we discuss the future hopefully and joyfully.  Don’t get me wrong, we without a doubt miss those babies like crazy.  Little things still put me over the edge whether it be a song that we have carried with us along our journey, a memento, or a picture of their beaming grins.  I truly believe each and every day has been a gift from God as a day of a little less grieving and more dreaming all while getting little glimpses of His hand at work.  Last month was the youngest one’s second birthday.  It was one of those dates that six months ago I couldn’t wait for it to come.  I hoped with all my heart she would be home to celebrate and I had the sweetest little outfit for her to sport if that were the case.  But now, this date crept up and I knew it would sting.  We did our best to honor her and celebrate her here.  Now I hoped something different for this day:  that she was in Mama B’s arms & that she knows without a doubt how loved and celebrated each day of her life is.  Big sister’s fourth birthday is approaching this month.  Would you be so kind as to pray for our hearts on another big day as well as for her and mama B?

Our first attempt at Ethiopian food to celebrate Sally Hana

Shoutout to Taste of Ethiopia for the injera!

This summer marks 3 years since we officially started the adoption process.  Bless our little naïve hearts with our home study babyproofing pics that we were so eager to share.  I look at how far (or lack thereof) we have come physically, how much loss we have experienced and how much dependency on each other and our God we have needed to make it through each day like the air that we breathe. 

This whole adoption journey we have been on up to this point has got me thinking that adoption, like pregnancy and childbirth, is a miracle in itself.  I have always been in awe of our Creator, in His design of life and creation through pregnancy and birth.  If you boil it down it really is mind-boggling and absolutely amazing.  The design and detail He puts into the existence of EVERY being from conception all the way until first breath sure is something.  In our current life season when friends are having babies left and right I am constantly reminded of it with all of your precious photos and apps that make it relatable to me, like how big your baby is in comparison to an eggplant.  My embryology courses in hygiene school went into such detail about what was forming when and how and that was just the oral cavity for crying out loud.  Our God is a great great God.  Back to my thought on miracles and adoption.  I think a lot of people think this is how international adoption works and some of that may be our fault for a lack of educating:  pick a country, sign some papers, wait, travel, travel home and everything is dandy.  Let me fill you in a little bit more of what an international adoption REALLY looks like…

The first step in the process for us was initially saying “yes” to adopt which is a miracle in itself.  Luke and I were on different timelines for that.  My eyes were opened to adoption years ago and 5 years back God softened Luke’s heart to adoption.  This journey is God-ordained in itself and you can read more about Luke’s precious heart here http://jenandlukeschwoch.blogspot.com/2013/10/i-love-adoption.html  .  So after we decided we were all in then it became where.  We were drawn internationally.  Due to our age and how long we had been married we didn’t qualify for more than a handful of countries.  Even before we had discussed details I think we both felt led to Ethiopia.  All of our signs and prayers pointed there.  So now the question became who.  We spent months researching agencies, Christian and non-Christian.  Unfortunately there are a lot of agencies out there now that aren’t playing by the rules ethically and are crossing red tape.  We interviewed dozens of agencies and finally found one that we felt comfortable with, trusted and passed all of our tests.  Next step, paperwork.  And when I say paperwork I mean paperwork.  Like pages and pages of it y’all.  They want to know our life story from sad memories of our childhood to where our siblings lived and worked to bank statements to what our marriage looked like.  Up next, home study.  That was a blog a while ago too which you can read here http://jenandlukeschwoch.blogspot.com/2013_12_01_archive.html .  Our story is a unique one in that we have been living in my grandmother’s house for 3 years and had to baby proof and prepare for a case worker to come in and see if our house was fit for a little.  I laugh because we were so worked up about this part and it was one of the smoothest steps in this process.  The next step was even more paperwork, like books worth, complied to send to Ethiopia to be translated called a dossier.  After that we waited, waited and waited some more. We have had to update our expiring home study, update our expiring dossier and update our fingerprints twice.  You all know what happens next.  Now currently guess what?  We are still waiting.  My prayer has always been that we would wait well and become such patient and trusting people.  If you would have asked us when we began this process where we thought we would be 3 years later I’m sure both of our responses would have been home with a little one.  But one thing I remain hopeful in is that this is the story God has chosen to write for us and He wrote it thousands of years ago.  He sees us and hears our cries.  3 years in, paperwork has expired multiple times, questions have been asked and tears have been shed.  The reason I write is because I want people who walk with us to see the beauty and the miracle I am starting to become in awe of.  If and when our Lord works it all out in His will and timing it will be miraculous. 

Shortly after our loss we both decided to delve into the book of Job because if anyone experienced loss and suffering who else but Job?  It’s one of those books where you’re familiar with its beginning and end but what about the in between?   What about when Job nearly loses all hope over the losses of his children, livestock, home and riches?  What about the attacks and acquisitions he receives on repeat  from his “friends” and wife?  Job by no means is perfect, he’s human, and the whole middle of the book is filled with his despair, frustration, and confusion.  Not to belittle our loss, but I am so thankful for this book.  When you read that all scripture is alive, breathing and applicable, it really is.  I may read something during a season and read it during another season and see something totally different.  We get a bird’s eye view of Job’s life and what God is orchestrating.  I think that perspective on looking down and back has helped me immensely to be at peace in our current state.

A couple years ago for our fifth anni Luke gave me this custom artwork.  It is hard to see in the photograph, but there is a tiny purple heart over Texas and a tiny purple heart over Ethiopia.  If someone asked me how I was feeling or doing I could point to it and that would explain.  They weren’t lying when they said a picture says a thousand words were they?  So each day I wake up and that’s the first image I see.  Sadie, Sally and mama B have so much of my heart over there.  A baby that God is working miraculously into our story is there.  And we are here.  Oceans a part.

To wrap my thoughts up here is where we are:  waiting.  We are next in line at our agency for several orphanages throughout Ethiopia.  August 5^th, 2016 has come and gone and it is a day that has a sting for us and other families that are adopting from Ethiopia.  Courts close on that day for the annual rainy season.  I’ve described this before but basically when it rains it pours and a country like this isn’t equipped.  The rain is beyond necessary especially after the biggest drought ever struck the country this year.  The rain is needed for crops, sustenance, for life.  Luke spoke with our case worker last week and she let us know that some years during rainy season they have seen referrals and other years none at all.  Would you all continue to pray for peace, comfort and God’s spirit to be thick during this season?  Would you pray we continue to trust in His good and perfect plan and that we allow Him to continue to work things out for our good and His glory? 

“We can be certain that God will give us the strength and resources we need to live through any situation in life that He ordains.  The will of God will never take us where the grace of God cannot sustain us."  Billy Graham

All of our love,

Jen & Luke Schwoch