The unexpected call

January 28, 2016 we got the call that no adoptive parents want to receive in the midst of waiting to get their child/children home.  “Your daughters’ birth mom wants to take them back.”  My heart sank, broke & shattered into a million pieces all over the ground.  Our daughters that we laid eyes on over three months ago & stare at on our phones, refrigerator & frames throughout the house.  The girls we have been preparing a room for, praying over & souls I daydreamed of adventuring through life together with on a daily, no take that back, hourly basis.  This is the kind of stuff you see on the news & read about but have to think “oh this will never happen to us.”  Our agency, in their decades of working in Ethiopia, have only seen this situation less than a handful of times.  

If you aren’t super familiar with adoption, or maybe even know something about family preservation you may think “oh that’s wonderful though, they should & need to be with their biological mama".  While we do believe in our heart of hearts that the original family is best, we are currently in a place of pain, loss & grieving.  They had already grown our family and our hearts & souls were completely invested in being their parents.  My eyes hurt from crying & the days are painfully long & almost seem purposeless, but I did have a vision on my way home from that dreadful call.  It was of our oldest, whom we had named Sally.  She was being reunited with her mama & I just saw this look on her face of pure delight at the sight of the woman whom gave birth to her, cared for her for 2.5 years before she entered the orphanage & came back for her.  I thank God for this little glimpse of reunification, especially since going forward we will know nothing of their case. 

None of it makes sense now, I’ve got holes in my heart that I thought would become full once we became a family that will always be void, but somehow post grieving, we must carry on & continue to be a voice & advocate for the orphan.  They never stepped foot into our home, or were held in our arms, but we already loved them with an unconditional, would do anything for you love.  So many of you already loved them as well & have been praying for them for years too.

Of course throughout the process & especially once we accepted a referral & were waiting for paperwork to be processed there was always a teeny tiny bit of fear in the back of our minds of the “what ifs”, but I think that comes with parenting at every stage no matter how they come into your home.  As much as I want to be angry with God for leading us on what seems like a path that is endless He is our only hope & is the author of life and everything in it. "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9  Pray we are obedient to let Him keep writing our story. In the depths of my soul, I can’t believe He would give us such a desire for the fatherless to have it end in a failed adoption and that be the end of our story.  Pray that we can grieve healthily & allow ourselves to process through such loss with each other, family, & community allowing ourselves to experience a range of emotions.  It will be a long road & there will not be a day that goes by that we won’t think of and pray for those sweet sisters & their souls the rest of our lives.  We have no doubt many of you will join us & I delight in knowing they are being covered in prayers.  Will you continue praying for these sweet girls and their souls and that He would grab their hearts and make them His? Will you also pray that their mama care for and parents them well and their physical health be good?

So much of our identity had become being Sally & Sadie’s parents, but first & foremost we were & are His children. As their parents so many of our hopes, plans and dreams for the future revolved around them which I think naturally happens as parents.  Pray He continues to remind us of who He says we are.

A verse that I kept referring back to during our 2.5 year journey is Psalm 112:7 which states “He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord." A precious friend who is also journeying through bringing a child home via adoption & I would always remind each other of this truth and she even had a bracelet made with this verse carved into it.  While this may be about the toughest news we could’ve received, pray that our hearts not harden but remain firm and trusting in the Lord all of our days.

To those of you who have brought dinners, came and prayed over us, sent packages, pictures, flowers, encouraging texts/verses, sat & just cried with us & were present, our hearts go out to you.  We continue to thank God for the village He brings us in every season.  Never once did we ever walk alone.  That being said, we know we have a long road of grieving & will be taking a little hiatus from social media.  As much as we love keeping up with your families, scrolling through cute pictures of your babies & celebrating what may seem like everyday life with you, we know it’s what’s best for our hearts in this season.  Feel free to email, text or call to keep up.  We love you and thank you for continuing to journey with us.

-Jen & Luke Schwoch

Jen.schwoch@gmail.com

Lschwoch87@gmail.com

“In all my sorrows, Jesus is better, make my heart believe.”